Hushed auditorium, excited guests perched nervously on their seats, lights dimmed and lift music playing in the background…
The huge velvet curtain obscuring the stage shimmers in the dimmed lights, the band are tuning up…
ACTION, the curtain rises to the roof and the lights illuminate a massive stage. Dancing girls (they’ve really warmed up by now!) in lederhosen come cartwheeling on from stage right. The marching band appear on stage left dressed immaculately as the Swiss Guard.
The crowd go nuts, security contain them as best they can and remove those overcome with emotion (hi mum!). The band finish their rendition of the Irish National Anthem, the dancing girls end up in a human pyramid formation at the back of the stage and there, descending from the heavens is what can only be described as a giant fondue pot?
Silence envelopes the crowd as the pot comes to rest at the front of the stage. All of a sudden in a blast of fireworks, pyrotechnics and some stray gruyere your host for this evening, “yours truly” is revealed in jeans and a black turtle neck sweater!
Cue manic applause, shouts of “you’re a legend” and general adulation
Welcome Ladies, Gentlemen and all you in the cheap seats to the fiftieth post of “The Swiss Job” (more applause, fainting etc etc…). This is indeed a milestone for the blog and it couldn’t have happened without all of you…and also the fact I had nothing to do for the last few months, oh, and also because I was moving to Switzerland. Otherwise it would have been called “The No Job in Dundee Blog”. Doesn’t have the same ring I think you’ll find!
Anyway, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my agent, God, everyone at Sony records (?), my laptop, frozen pizzas (Goodfella’s pepperoni preferably), beer, the boy scouts (dib dib), tiny little garlic bread-sticks, my (now dead) dog Fluffy, Kenny Rogers and my “kitchroom” for making me who I am!
On a more serious note folks, I have some fabulous news. Eva who was scheduled to visit in three weeks times has announced that she’s still going to visit but just not go home! Her job has come through and she’s moving over permanently as of the 1st of October!!
Thousands of balloons stream down from the ceiling, champagne corks pop, the band launch into the opening bars of “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers and general merriment breaks out all round.
So thats it, good evening ladies and gentlemen and here’s to another fifty posts. I’m off for a pint…