Its with great pleasure and pride that I accept the award of “Schmoozer”, however I have to step up my schmoozing efforts to justify Bertie’s generous nod. Therefore I’m going to draw inspiration from my namesake and the Grand-daddy of all schmoozers…Mr Swiss Toni Esquire. I call him Toni.
Here’s some classic Toni:
Making coffee – Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s got to be hot. You’ve got to take your time. You’ve got to stir gently and firmly. You’ve got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
Laying a carpet – Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you’re adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.
Being in a car crash – Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight – particularly if it’s a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.
Maybe I’m getting schmoozing and sleazing mixed up?!? I’ll keep working on it, meanwhile, here’s the God himself in action: